I thought my life was crazy when I was the working mom of one child. Then, we welcomed our second daughter, Summer. Boy, did we eff around and find out. She’s everything our little family was missing and is perfect in every way. But baby, working full-time, caring for a five-year-old and an infant, and managing a household is fiercer than any Olympic sport. I am forever suspended in an endless cycle of heading to work, coming in from work, and preparing to go to work. That cycle also includes packing lunch and snacks, prepping bottles, washing bottles, pumping, washing pump parts, laying out clothes, and likely, several other tasks that escape me.
Most days, I’m on autopilot, as it seems that this is the only way to get everything done without falling apart. There’s always something to do. With such a brutal schedule, free time is virtually nonexistent. That said, I fully recognize that self-care is essential to keeping this well-oiled machine running. These days, my self-care regimen doesn’t look like spa days and brunch with my girlfriends. I do believe that someday, I will get back to that. But in this season, I have to work with what I have in terms of time and energy.
Everyone’s self-care will look different. Carving out a self-care routine that feels good to you as a working mom, that refills your cup, that doesn’t feel like a chore, that doesn’t feel like you’re cosplaying as someone else, is a matter of you answering a few questions honestly:
- What feels good to me? Sit down and write out all the things that make you feel good, big and small. You want to lean into those small things since you’re pressed for time. The larger items are great, but if you want your self-care to be consistent, the little things are essential. More than likely, you’ll only be able to do the larger self-care items occasionally, but you can put some of the smaller items into practice almost daily.
- Can I apply any of these practices to things I’m already doing? One thing I learned very quickly about being a working mom is that efficiency is essential. Multitasking is bae – even when it comes to self-care.
- Can I release my all-or-nothing mindset? A little of something good put into practice each day is better than an elaborate thing that can only be done sparingly. Even busy moms can pad each day with small acts of self-care.
It can be tough to pinpoint what this could look like in the life of a stretched-thin working parent, so I thought it might be helpful to share some of my personal self-care practices.
Audiobooks
Audiobooks are my ultimate self-care practice. I am always starting an audiobook, in the middle of an audiobook, or finishing an audiobook. I listen to them as I drift off to sleep after the kids go to bed. They also help me to fall back asleep faster when I wake up at night. They keep my mind from wandering and worrying. I listen on my commute home from work. Me and the kids have a one-hour ride home in the evenings. I usually give my 5-year-old her iPad, give the baby some toys and I turn on her musical car seat mirror until she falls asleep. It can seem chaotic trying to listen to an audiobook with two kids in the car, but the stories help me to enjoy the ride more and mitigate my annoyance with New Jersey traffic.
Bathtime
We all need to wash so I try to use this quiet time to clear my head. Aside from when I’m at work, it’s one of the only times I’m truly alone.
Naptime
As an uptight first-time mom, I scoffed at people who told me, “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” because how the hell do you expect me to get anything done if I’m napping when the baby is napping? Now? Chile, napping with my baby on my days off is damn near a ritual at this point. Even my 5-year-old and husband get in on it sometimes. We call it the family nap. We all feel amazing afterward.
Cooking
I’ve always liked cooking, but I used to see daily cooking as a chore. After a 9-month-long stint with morning sickness kept me out of the kitchen and on an extremely limited diet, I’ve fallen head over heels for the culinary arts. Cooking in the evenings helps me to unwind, clear my head, and be creative. I research recipes and pregame what I’m going to cook for dinner while I pump at work and I find myself getting excited about the recipe. I’m also motivated by fancy cooking gear.
Caring for my health
No one walking this earth is going to take care of my daughters like I do. Periodt. For this reason, I need to be around as long as possible, so I’ve been working on improving and maintaining my health through diet, exercise, and learning more about nutrition. Some of my daily practices include tracking my diet via My Fitness Pal and my activity via a fitness tracker. Self-care also looks like me working to lower my LDL levels, portion control, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and finally getting that damn colonoscopy.
Writing
I’ve been blessed enough to reach a point in my career where I write for leisure and not to pay the bills, which is utterly freeing in some ways. This has reignited my love for writing. I write to decompress and express myself. I’m able to choose my assignments, which is also liberating.
Self-care for working moms is not one size fits all. It can look like hair and nail appointments or even luxury vacations, but it can also look like resting, journaling, and keeping up with routine medical exams.
Photo by Yan Krukau
