“Wow, look at all of that hair!” one of my labor and delivery nurses exclaimed.
I looked down in my dream-like state and saw a tiny baby girl with a head full of thick, beautiful curls. My heart swooned. I was in love. Instantly.
She had quite a bit of hair for a newborn – and even now as an infant. It’s thick, coily and the perfect physical manifestation of her carefree personality, so naturally, it’s one of the first things people notice about her. From her doctors to random people in Target, everyone has something to say about her luscious tresses. Sadly, not all comments have been positive. What’s even more troubling is all of the negative comments have come from people who look like us.
I want to preface this by saying that I don’t believe anyone who has said negative things about my baby’s hair had malicious intent. Often times, they came from people who love her. Deeply. I do, however, believe that many of these comments are rooted in ignorance and some level of self-hate.
“Comb That Baby’s Hair”
When my daughter was first born, like most babies, her curls were looser and finer due to spending several months in amniotic fluid. However, as she got a little older, her hair grew in thicker and coarser as her true texture began to shine through. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment. I love caring for my baby’s natural hair. I love watching it flourish and take on its own personality. It reminds me of my own hair when in its natural state. In my eyes, it’s absolutely perfect in every way. However, the shift in her hair texture has resulted in quite a few troubling comments ranging from “You need to comb that baby’s hair” to “Her hair is getting a little knotty, isn’t it?” The weird assumption that my daughter’s hair is not combed or not being taken care of because her curls are more tightly coiled is deeply troubling to say the least. It’s as if people have forgotten what their natural hair looks like beneath those wigs, weaves, and relaxers.
Don’t Do Me
When it comes to my baby’s hair care, healthy hair is my priority and wash day has become a weekly ritual in our house. Wash, condition, moisturize, detangle, sit back and watch it grow. At five-months-old, her head and hair are still so delicate, manipulation and styling are kept to a minimum. Soft, edge-friendy headbands are pretty much it for us. I’m not interested in damaging or breaking her hair in the name of a few struggle ponytails or to put a smile on anyone’s face. The weight of the expectations that people place on the hair of a child so young is utterly appalling.
This Is What We Ain’t Gon’ Do
So many of us, myself included in some ways, have been raised to hate our hair and despise our blackness. The self-hate has been unintentionally passed down from generation to generation. Thankfully, through educating ourselves and the natural hair movement, many of us have been able to break free from the shackles of anti-blackness and European standards of beauty. However, for the unenlightened, what you won’t be doing is projecting your anti-blackness onto my baby. Not my child. Not on my watch.
From the moment I learned that I was carrying a girl, I knew that I would go above and beyond to ensure that she loves herself as a Black woman and sees herself as beautiful – regardless of how she chooses to wear her hair. So if seeing my baby’s hair in its natural state makes you uncomfortable, I have 3 solutions for you:
- Keep your comments to yourself
- Take a look in the mirror because your discomfort is less about what’s on her head and more about what’s going on internally.
- Stay from around us
What you won’t be doing, however, is making my daughter self-conscious about her hair.
Great article!
Thanks so much for reading, NaTasha!