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Earlier this month, news leaked that Wendy Williams’ son,Kevin HunterJr., was arrested following a physical altercation with his father, Kevin Hunter Sr. The reason for the altercation depends on the outlet from which you get your gossip. Some sources reported Kevin Sr.’s request for both spousal and child support from Williams was the impetus. Others claimed it was the use of the b-word. We’ll never truly know because we weren’t there. However, here’s what we can all agree on: One way or another, the couple’s highly public fall-out was negatively affecting their child.
Divorce tends to have that effect on kids. Approximately 50 percent of American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Studies have shown that children who have experienced multiple divorces tend to have lower grades and are less pleasant to be around, according to their peers. Children of divorced parents are twice as likely to drop out of high school. They are more prone to psychological issues than children who have lost parents to death. And studies have linked children of divorce to lower paying jobs and less college education. This, according to Very Well Families. I don’t highlight any of those statistics to instill fear or suggest that children are doomed because their parents’ relationship didn’t work out. The point is divorce affects children far more deeply than the sadness of not being able to see both parents every day.
I noticed a particularly disturbing pattern in our comments section regarding the Wendy story. Over and over again, I saw people of color suggesting that Little Kev “stay in a child’s place” and that his parents’ divorce is none of his business. Sir or ma’am, please stop. Should Little Kev have gone all “knuck if you buck” on his daddy? No. However, to pretend as if this mess his parents are going through has nothing to do with him is hurtful and damaging. Furthermore, it’s reflective of a problematic cultural mindset that has been emotionally injurious to Black children across several generations. We should absolutely be speaking to kids about things that directly affect them — even when those things make us uncomfortable.
It’s not about a child staying in their place,” licensed marriage and family therapist Marissa Nelsontold Madame Noire. “We really need to eradicate that. What does that even mean? That only shows our own cultural discomfort around difficult conversations.”
Nelson went on: “Kids are smarter than you make them out to be — even the little ones. They’re very sensitive. Kids are very observant. They may not say anything, but they know when you have a fight. They know when parents aren’t happy. They know and they see it. So when people think they’re hiding things from their kids, what they’re actually hiding is the discomfort of having that conversation with your child. What people are hiding is their discomfort with naming what’s happening in their home, their relationship, their family. If you have that conversation, what would your child say? And does that make you have to make a decision that you’re not ready to make?”
Sure, most parents only want what’s best for their kids and the assumption is that by attempting to hide our relationship woes, we’re protecting them. Unfortunately, this is more damaging than anything else.
“The illusion of the life that people knew, when it’s pulled out from under them, it’s even more devastating than understanding what’s happening and the reality of the situation. The illusion is much more devastating,” added Nelson. “When they look back at their lives, they wonder ‘Was everything a lie? How do I know what was true?’ The foundation of their world is shaken.”
Read more on Madame Noire.
